I'm not putting a content warning on this for specific reasons. Because if you can see this, I want you to read it without prejudice. I'm even posting it to meow seperately.

FurAffinity has published its new policies and effectively banned about 60% of the art I draw from their site. A site that I have used since 2006, through thick and thin, before and after twitter, through international moves and real life chaos its been there. 18 years, and now because I drew some furries in wet diapers, its all over.

I sure love having an arousal response to wearing certain clothing items. A response that I didn’t ask for, where doing so harms nobody, and yet in the eyes of many it makes me a monster on the level of Jeffrey Epstein. It’s great, just great, real cool that this happens.

I’m blocked by hundreds of people on various socials because of this. God knows how many blocked me on other sites. I’m on multiple lists that call me the worst names it’s possible to call someone. My art has been deleted from many sites: dA, Itaku, FurryLife Online, FurryNetwork, Tumblr. Where it isn't deleted outright it is required to be tagged with the most extreme warnings possible, on a level with hard gore and blood play and rape.

Because certain clothing sometimes gives me a boner. Nothing else about me matters - just the fuckin pamps. A fetish so gross, that inspires such revulsion in onlookers that they immediately seek to ban it and me forever. I have no idea what friendships my bab proclivities have cost me over the years. I have my suspicions that certain furs I used to be close with ghosted me over it. I'll never know for sure.

I accepted myself a long time ago. Over the years I drew my deepest fantasies and, at cons and safely, played them out in real life. I have made countless friends and play partners and acquaintances in this. I know what I am and what I’m not. I know in my heart I’m not a fucking monster. But when shit like this happens.. it’s hard. I’m not gonna lie.

I bared my soul to a website that was my online home for 18 years. A place where I posted my deepest most raw art, stuff I felt safe to reveal and knew it would find approval. To have that suddenly torn up and thrown in my face, to learn no, they never liked it, I was never safe there. It’s a blow to the spirit.

Furaffinity was janky and slipshod and frustrating and technologically outdated and amateurish, and I loved it even when I hated it. It was my HOME. In the sense I could walk around naked and paw off in the living room if I wanted. It was where I could post my grimiest fantasies and it was ok. And to have the people that own that home, come out and say no, this is not and was never an accepting place for you to hang out and post about your weird little sexual thoughts, in fact they are bad, the worst kind of bad, illegal bad, and you need to get rid of all of it. The last 18 years meant nothing.

Those drawings I post are not just random porn. They are drawn from the deepest part of me, things I never thought I could show anyone. Things I nearly killed myself over as a teenager thinking I was some kind of a monster. Who likes this stuff?? Who gets off on pooping their pants? What kind of awful person wants to be little and held and safe and told its okay if they had an accident??

An awful person like me, apparently.

Being able to post it, to find an audience of acceptance and even love, was incredibly validating. I wasn’t alone in these thoughts. Every piece of fetish art i ever drew was to say hey: you’re not alone. You’re not a monster if you like this. I know I have done good with this, I know I have even saved lives providing that kind of acceptance and encouragement. I just wish it was given to me more.

So now after nearly two decades, it turns out the site that gave me that validation now says Welp, that was all wrong, turns out you actually are a monster, get this crap off our site. The fact that we let you post all this and think it was acceptable, for decades, was an administrative oversight. Pack your bags and you'll be escorted out by security.

Can you fucking blame me for feeling hurt by that??